In Time

I was actually drawn to the first 15 minutes of Andrew Niccol’s sci-fi world where time really is money. It’s fun to think of other implications of such an economy (China would be producing millennia by the minute, Occupy Wall Street would’ve lasted a week). After that quarter hour however, the film snorts a powdery line of stupid, constantly delivering moments of dumb-shittery. In all honesty, planning to globally switch money for time is a stupid fucking idea, which wouldn’t really be a problem for a sci-fi film if it weren’t for it’s moral “this is a stupid fucking idea.”


YEAH... NAH...

Paranormal Activity 3

I respected the first Paranormal Activity for its effective simplicity as a horror, but the ending was less satisfying than a raw potato sandwich. Luckily, this third entry provides that much needed substance, milking the udder of a concept that was merely pinched. The set pieces are grander, the main characters are actually likeable and bold new camera techniques are implemented, like panning (mounted on the world’s slowest moving fan). Despite the film’s fantastic ability to harvest tension from your imagination, I still have distain towards its reliance on cheap shock tactics. See it with a crowd, if you must.

WATCHABLE

The Three Musketeers

My heart goes out to the three “leads” (I use that term lightly) chosen to play the musketeers in this remake/reboot/whatevs of the reknown classic. Stevenson, Evans and Macfayden are a damn fine trio, deserving of a much better swashbuckling endeavour. Instead, they’re exploited in this stuff-crust cheese of a script, devoid of any memorable action set pieces (aside from one badass scene of cannon-fodding annihilation) before quickly turning into a flying circus Pirates Of The Wannabeans. I also feel sorry for Orlando Bloom, not for his role, but for the months he wasted trying to grow that pig-tusk goatee.

YEAH... NAH...

Real Steel

Sure, you could retitle Real Steel to Rock ’Em Sock ’Em Rocky, but a simple glimpse of the trailer is enough to let you know where it’s obvious plot turns derive from. I was surprised to find myself not wanting to stab the lead kid Max in the face, although the movie uses the irritating family-friendly “the kid is never wrong” trait. You may’ve ignored my prior 68 words on irrelevant criticisms like “plot” to get to the meat: are the robot fight scenes awesome? Fuck yeah they are. With a little tolerance, it’s hard not to enjoy Real Steel.

WATCHABLE