US marines vs. aliens. That is Battle Los Angeles. The film knows exactly what it wants to be and it doesn’t give a hoo-rah what you think. It’s pretty evident, spending a whopping 10 minutes on bare-bones character development (except for Michelle Rodriguez, who pops up part way wearing her I’m-a-badass-she-b**** badge). With a dialog-explosion ratio of approximately 1:4, there’s no point dissecting World Invasion for its narrative value. If you want to see two hours of balls-to-the-wall extra terrestrial warfare, this movie satisfies. If you reserve your tastes for ‘art’, go watch The King’s Speech for the 20th time.
WATCHABLE
In a world where cloning boomed in the 1960s, Never Let Me Go prefers to keep its sci-fi setting in the distance (which may turn some off), opting to hold close the relationship between three replicants: Kathy, Tommy and Ruth. Through this trio, the film sends a direct challenge towards our conceptions of love, humanity, being alive and what it means to have lived a life. It guides you through with tenderness, though never holding your hand. It delivers its message with patience, though it never drags. It may not always hit the heart, but it always clips the arteries.
RECOMMENDED
The ocean freaks me out. Given that I swim with the grace of an orang-utan, “The Reef” had a natural advantage to feed on my paranoia. Essentially an Ozzy “Open Water,” the film attempts to haunt you with some typical shock scares and “what the hell was that!?” techniques. If you’re not aquatically ignorant like me, you’ll probably find logistical issues with “The Reef”. The movie ends abruptly and the plot’s as relevant as a waterproof toaster. However, the film managed to fill my diver trousers a few times, using little more than a distant splash or a gloomy figure.
WATCHABLE
With a budget less than a ticket to Rainbow’s End, Monsters is praised by some critics as the new District 9. It’s not. It’s a shame too, because it manages to achieve a giant scope with very little. However, it’s let down heavily by its story, its script and its characters. There are many staring-into-the-distance moments where the movie tries to be profound, but it just doesn’t have anything to say. The two leads are about as interesting as a grocery receipt and the script varies from ‘yeah’ to ‘meh’. By the end, you’ll just want to watch District 9.
YEAH... NAH...
Take Coyote Ugly, add a little more sass and a little less sense and you’ve got Burlesque. I’ll admit, I wasn’t looking forward to this movie. On first impressions, it seemed like a derivative mess of clichéd plot points and mediocre musical numbers. On my last impression, it IS a derivative mess of clichéd plot points and mediocre musical numbers. It isn’t a bad movie, it’s just painfully manufactured. Aside from Stanley Tucci and two decent songs, there’s nothing going for it. The only real impressive thing about Burlesque is Cher’s ability to move without applying oil to her limbs.
YEAH... NAH...
Rango’s a hard movie to judge. Every so often, it’ll do something funny, then it‘ll do something lame. Other times, it’ll do something awesome, followed by something brain-numbingly obscure. I can handle weird, as long as it’s consistent, which Rango isn‘t. It’s especially noticeable given how its strange moments contrast its derivative story. Based on these qualities alone, it’s hard to give a verdict on Rango. However, the magnificent mariachi musical score, fantastic performances and eye-scorching visuals tip the film to a hearty recommendation. Rango’s biggest strength is in its inventive character designs, the majority looking like road-kill Disney rejects.
WATCHABLE
The sadistic series reaches its dead-horse of a conclusion, proceeding to beat it with a sack full of stupid (and the “3D” abbreviation of selling out). The terrible dialog, absurd plot holes and characters with the intelligence of a tic-tac have unfortunately become Saw staples. Despite that, there are still moments of cringe-worthy creativity that made me squirm (one involving a fishhook). However, it’s not until Saw 3D’s final moments where it attempts to come full circle that you truly realise how much the series has mutilated itself, with an extremely weak tie to the original being the final insult.
WATCHABLE
Blue Valentine examines two heavy segments of a troubled relationship, cleverly inter-cutting between the sweet, hopeful past and the ugly, tragic present. Just when we get lost in a tender, romantic moment in the couple’s history, the film tortures you with a penis-punching dose of reality. Don’t let the poster fool you, this is not a date movie. Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling are phenomenal guides to this uncomfortable trip through the wreckage of a once blooming romance. It’s a hard movie to recommend, solely due to its content. It’s easy, however, to say that it’s an extremely well-made downer. WATCHABLE
After a pre-emptive cyclone blocks off a massive cove, a bunch of Aussie cavers must find an escape route before it floods. However, the characters are so unlikeable, you’re bound not to care. The dialog’s dumber than a deep-fried dingo, and if THAT line annoyed you, then prepare for an onslaught of incredibly bad Australianisms. Although, for every ear-grating line that was gargled out, there’d be a gorgeous 3D shot that would distract you from it. Seeing Sanctum in 3D made it bearable. In 2D, it would’ve pissed me off more than a wombat with a whistle up its wahzoo.WATCHABLE (in 3D)
YEAH…NAH… (2D)
As much as I wanted it to be, this is not Taken 2: The Retakening. Perhaps I've seen one too many mystery/thrillers concerning convenient memory loss, but to me, Unknown was blander than a lettuce sandwich. The inevitable twist never came as much of a surprise, for a little bit of deduction can steer you in the plot’s general direction. Liam Neeson does his best to inject some interest into the movie, a task he does very well in most of his roles, but not even he can stop this generic film from being forgettable. Irony can be pretty unforgiving.
YEAH… NAH…
